In October of 2021 I was sick for a month. I coughed so hard that it hurt my back and lost my voice for two weeks. I tested weekly for COVID throughout the ordeal but it came back negative. I told Nick I shouldn’t go to his house while ill; he said it was fine for me to come over as long as I respected the “kiss” quarantine. No kissing. I was sick for a long time with what I thought was a cold that would turn around, but after weeks Nick said I could come off of kiss quarantine if I went to a doc. I did. She gave me antibiotics and I was better instantly. The cough left. The headaches lifted. My voice healed. I could breathe. It was 24 hours and I was a different person. I finally came off of kiss quarantine.
This past weekend I had a couple of throbbing migraines. Monday night when I started to get a little cough. I was completely fatigued and overwhelmed. But this time I was not going to mess around. I made an appointment with my doctor for Wednesday. Nick joked that he was going to have to implement kiss quarantine again. I was queasy, and eating food made me unwell. Tuesday came and it was the worst. I had fevers and chills. I could hardly stand. I hated to eat though it made me feel better. I was coughing up phlegm and sneezing. I was partially delirious. I woke up at 4am unable to sleep. During the day I napped and dreamed the husband of a friend I’ve lost touch with since moving from Nebraska was crushing my head against the hood of a BMW i3, hurting me. I woke up in tremendous pain realizing that my head wasn’t being crushed but that I had a migraine that was so bad it woke me up. I took a COVID test and it was negative.
I gathered up all my strength for one more meeting of the day and then gave up. My brother got the kids. They came home and we all ate the reheated chicken soup and discussed what we were going to do the next day as it would be a snow day. I went to lie down and tried to read, but looking at anything hurt. Cold sweats covered my body, though I was feverish I could not get warm. I slept fitfully until 2am, feeling pained, ravenous, but turned off by food. At 4 am I left the bed to make myself a sandwich and took the COVID test on a lark. It was positive immediately. It remained positive in the 15–30 minute window. It sits next to me, stubbornly positive.
I spent hours obsessively researching the answer to “Now what?” Nick was the first person I called when I saw that he was awake. He seemed in shock and then tried to think where we might have caught it together, or if this was something I did all on my own. It was a moment where there was so much to say but nothing really mattered but canceling the cruise. So he hung up so he could call his dad.
The antigen tests are for infectious shedding of virus, and rarely give a false positive. We are supposed to set sail on a cruise on Feb 7th. I am screwed.
Well, not so screwed. I mean, there is no way I am going on a cruise now. The flight is a flexible refund. The cruise is insured. So I have to do this stuff. And perhaps Nick will be unscathed.
I mailed in the PCR test I ordered weeks ago for labcorp for an official confirmation, though if it tests negative I don’t think that helps anything. The ship will sail without me on it. If you test positive at port they bar you, your roommate, and everyone you registered with from boarding. Hardly the best way to celebrate Nick’s mom’s 60th birthday. There are ways I could falsify the PCR test required for boarding, but that is a terrible idea that only crossed my mind once. I am not secretive or selfish enough to pretend I don’t have COVID and risk Nick’s family’s trip. Though I am pissed enough to consider my worst nature.
I notified my iPhone I was positive. I tried to contact my county’s tracing unit, but due to the snow day all government offices are closed.
My doctor seemed bored and was steeling herself for me to ask for something stupid, like for ivermectin. She duly filled out the insurance form and ignored my questions about antivirals and didn’t give me any instructions for quarantine. She did not care that this was a breakthrough booster infection. 99% of infections are omicron right now. This visit probably did not warrant her time were it not for the insurance claim form. Her demeanor made me feel like I did do something wrong and deserve this fate. Though at the end of the five minutes we chatted on video she flatly said she hoped that I did feel better. I don’t envy her job these days. I got the form back, she checked the wrong box saying that COVID wasn’t a debilitating enough diagnosis to warrant canceling the trip. I am on hold with the cruise line to see if maybe she’s right and I could still go. I am on hold for 37 minutes with the Disney Dream cruise. The first waiting music was Mary Poppins which made me cry (I could very much use the luck of a chimney sweep) but then it was the little mermaid (I am very angry I won’t be able to go under the sea anytime soon), Peter Pan (not exactly known for its soundtrack), Pocahontas (racist), The princess and the frog (one jazzy trumpet drilling into my pained left ear), something so old I don’t know it (fortuitousity???), I talk to an agent!!, on hold again and it’s a jazz rendition of Can You Feel the Love Tonight from the Lion King. The agent is back! And then we’re back to jazz Lion King. Symphonic version of Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah, from the film Song of the South which Disney won’t release anymore due to its terrible stereotypes. Annnnnd back to Mary Poppins.
And I am on a real quarantine now, with no contact for at least five, probably 10 days. I refinanced my house and had to move the closing to next week. I told my work I was too sick to work for the next week but remain hopeful for feeling better on Monday.
I called my brother many times until he finally woke up. His COVID test came back negative. I shoved the only thermometer under my door. He disinfected it and came back with a 97• reading.
He left for work.
The kids had to stay in their rooms while I disinfected the kitchen and bathroom. They have to wear masks inside and take meals in their room until the air clears a bit in the house. They both were boosted a couple weeks ago. I remain hopeful they don’t have it, as I hear stories of couples who live together and share the same bed an one person manages not to give it to the other with careful quarantining. The school doesn’t let kids go to school if someone in the house is COVID positive. They don’t do online school anymore, they just have to make it up when they get back. So their dad is coming to get them and take them to their new jobs. If I test negative on Saturday we can resume our schedule and I can take them back to their school on Monday.
No one else in my circle has it, and it’s a cheap thrill to see which family member develops it next so I can postulate where we caught it. Or if I am patient zero in my family circle. If my mom gets sick then we can blame the home health care worker who was COVID positive while caring for my dying grandmother. If my brother gets sick we can blame his workplace — his coworkers have all had it, and he sees at least 4 new clients a day doing HVAC repairs. If my kids get sick we can blame their school which has had a plethora of cases among teachers and students, with the whole school shutting down for a week last month. If Nick gets sick then we can blame going out to eat. Although, I really don’t want him to be sick because if he gets sick, then he can’t go on the cruise with his mom.
And if no one I know gets sick, then I can blame the post office, the grocery store, the laser clinic, the podiatrist, or the clinic where I got my thyroid ultrasound. Sometimes I want omniscience for moments like these. Maybe it’s too much to know the future, but can we at least fully know the past? What ever did happen to my cat, Pockets? What about my first best friend, Laura? My favorite pillow, Ooo, who I lost at the Denver Children’s museum in 1986? If death offers anything, I think I’d like it to offer this the most: answers to all the loose ends in our lives, like how did I catch a breakthrough booster COVID despite being reasonably cautious?
What was your quarantine like, Gabby?
