While I had COVID there were a few days where my chest hurt and I thought I’d die. So I wrote my obit and instructions on what to do with my remains. Gabby asked me to post it:
“She (1/8/84 — ????2022) was born two weeks early on Shaw AFB, South Carolina.
Shawna is survived by her two children who are wonderful and amazing and blameless in every way. If you’d like to leave money for them send it to (go fund me link here) or mail to (PO Box here). They are the best people. They deserved to have their mom with them.
Now please insert your curses for our current ruling politicians for the rest of my obit, especially the war mongers.
Instructions for my body:
Everyone dies, it’s ok to see me die. I would like to listen to sound garden, garbage, Mozart, nirvana, and nine inch nails while I’m dying. Mostly Mozart.
I wanted to be cryogenically preserved but I doubt that’s affordable and don’t want to be a bother to anybody. I don’t know where I want to be buried because I don’t know any of the family in the family cemeteries in Kentucky or Maryland. I guess if you could bury me somewhere close to lookout mountain in golden that would be great, so when people came to visit my grave it would be pretty. I would like to be next to a tree so it’s shady. Or to have a tree planted next to me. If a tree is planted I would like it to be Colorado’s state tree because when you scratch the bark it smells like butter scotch and I want people to do that when they visit me. I would like a headstone that is also a bench so it is useful. Make sure the engraving on the headstone is really deep so that it lasts for hundreds and hundreds of years. Include a picture of me on the headstone too, I look great. My birthday is really too cold of a day to visit me even though it is the best birthday, so visit me on my half birthday which is June 8. Oh also visit me on Halloween because that is spooky. It would be nice if you read me the news and played catch with a frisbee. Please leave me carnations or pennys.
And then don’t worry about me too much. I love you all so much, forever and you will feel how much I love you all the time. We just can’t talk about it anymore. I am hopefully living out my wish as a freshly born manatee somewhere. I wanted to form a manatee cult when I got around to it so if you’re bored you could do that. Gabby knows the plans.
Gabby, what do you want done with your body when you die?
